Plagued with so many slow players turning up for duplicate sessions at the Slaughter House Bridge Club , TDs were struggling to get through even 20 boards in the scheduled 3 hour slots.
Not surprisingly Chairman Bigot-Johnson decided enough was enough, and that drastic action was called for. As far as he was concerned ” these buggers ” needed to be savagely exposed , ridiculed and humiliated. And the way to do it was to name and shame these perennial sinners.
Each of them would be compelled to wear a massive name tag to reflect and define the nature and extent of their slow play. Tags currently in circulation are listed below :
Mr. y Mrs Plod               Standstill                  Not At Home
Brain Dead                  Inertia Man                Mind Elsewhere
The Dullards                Hangnail                  Gone Walkabout
Foot Draggers                The Laggards              Missing Presumed dead
Huff and Puff                Flat Tyre                  Absent Without Leave
Motionless                  In Shutdown               Lost In Space
Rooted                      The Dawdlers              Brain On Standby
Wet Paint                   Lobotomy Man             Away with The Fairies
Lifeless                      Dilly and Dally             On Another Planet
Laid Back                    Almost Horizontal          In Limbo
Freeze Frame                Comatose                  Half Asleep
Rigor Mortis                 Not All Here               Fast Asleep
First Gear                   In Neutral                  Back In 5 Minutes
Handbrake On               Brakes Full On              Back In 10 Minutes
No Acceleration              In Reverse                 Hardly Any Pulse
And guess what ? The tagging has already produced two positive outcomes. Â Many of the slow pokes immediately started to speed up their play , while others left the club. Happy days are back again !
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