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Bridge & Humor: Culbertson Divorce Hearing

Judge: You wish a divorce. Mrs. Culbertson?

A. I do.

Judge: WeII, go ahead! It’s your lead.

A. Oh, so it is. I beg pardon; I was thinking of something else.

Judge: That’s all right. All bridge players are like that. Now just how do you want this divorce?

A.—How do I want it?

Judge—Yes; in spades I assume.

A.—Quito so. l’ve always been lucky in spades.

Judge: You complain, I understand, that your husband was cruel. Do you mean when not playing bridge?

A. Of course. All husbands are cruel when playing bridge.

Judge—When did you first notice that he was cruel toward you?

A.—I don’t remember.

Judge—That’s funny; I thought topnotch bridge players remembered everything. Just what did this cruelty consist of?

A.—Well, he was easily exasperated. He flew up violently on many occasions.

Judge—On other occasions than when you trumped his ace?

A. -I never trumped his ace.

Judge—Madam, that makes you a wife among wives and I congratulate you. Were you sufficiently tolerant of his failings; I mean did you make allowances for his weaknesses.

A.—He was too good a card player to admit any weaknesses.

Judge—Don’t you think you and your husband might have gone on as a happily married pair?


Judge: Why not?

A.—It just wasn’t in the cards.

Judge : Your husband has made a settlement I understand. Was it satisfactory».

A.—Not at first.

Judge: What do you mean by not at first.

A. He made a bid and I doubled it.

Judge—I see. You Were playing the one-over-one system. When you first met Mr. Culbertson was it love at first sight?

A.—Hardly. A trained card player always takes a second look.

Judge—As a jurist I hate to grant a separation until I am sure there is no other way out. Are you sure that your troubles are not due to a factor not mentioned here.

A. What. for instance?

Judge—Well, couldn’t it all be blamed on all those funny little sandwiches bridge players always have to eat?

A.—No, after you have played as much bridge as Ely and I have you don’t mind the sandwiches. You can even drink the tea.

Judge –One more question. Did your husband go over the bridge hands on the way home by taxi?

A. Always.

Judge -Decree granted!


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