Bridge & Humor: Bruce the chimpanzee

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St. Petersburg Times – 6 Ago 1967 by Bob Saron

Rita and Dennis Hogan were not always the avid duplicate fans they are now.

The recent appearance of various species of animals at some of our bridge tournaments indicates that bridge is simpler, or animals are more intelligent than we think. Returning from Africa several’ years ago, Dennis brought home a baby chimpanzee, which he named Bruce. He taught Bruce to shuffle and divide a deck of cards in packets of 13 each. By utilizing Bruce’s abilities, Hogan was able to speed up his bridge games, for the chimp always had the next hand dealt and ready for the players.

ONE DAY Dennis invited two of us to play a set match. Bruce was to arrange the hands. Our game began inauspiciously enough; after several rubbers Rita and Dennis were leading by a few hundred points. Bruce was quiet, sitting at the next table making up the hands, but once the deal was complete he would clamber to his feet upon the table, jump up and down, pretend to be watching our play of the hand, grin at a supposed error, clap at what he thought was a good play, and otherwise act like a somewhat too enthusiastic kibitzer. Still it was not so bad, if you did not mind a monkey swinging from a chandelier while he handed you your next hand. Then, the following hands came up:

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With both vulnerable, I opened one heart and Dennis doubled. Smokey found a redouble. Rita bid two diamonds, and I, three clubs. Dennis ventured three diamonds while Smokey, never an underbidder, called four hearts, which Rita felt constrained to double.

Dennis took the king and queen of diamonds and then switched to the jack of spades. I took the Ace, the Ace and king of clubs, and then ruffed a club in the dummy. Upon a low trump from dummy, Rita played the nine and I won with the jack, and led a low trump to the king, which Rita won with the ace. Rita could see that I had clubs set up; if she led a spade, I would win on the board, finesse trumps and make my contract, with the same result if she led a trump.

So she had to lead a diamond, giving me a ruff and a sluff, but she defeated the contract, for if I trumped in my hand I could not again get to the board and would have to end up leading trumps to her —while if I trumped on the board I could not take the trump finesse, and since I had three trumps to her two, I could not coup her. Result — 200 above the line to the Hogans. Then Bruce gave us our next hands which were exactly the same as above except that Rita had my hand and Dennis had Smokey’s hand. The only difference was that Rita had the two of hearts instead of the five and Dennis had the five of hearts instead of the two.

AFTER, TWO passes, Rita opened with one heart. I doubled and Dennis redoubled. He was probably the only one at the table who realized from the start that the hands were almost identical with the previous deal, for his hand had been the dummy. The bidding continued exactly the same as the previous deal, but when Smokey doubled the final four heart contract, Rita: saw that one card in her hand was different and decided to go along so she redoubled. We took two diamonds and switched to spades as we were now defending with Rita’s and Dennis’ old hands. The play went exactly as before. She won the ace, cashed two clubs and ruffed a third, led a low heart and won with the jack when Smokey split his equals. She led the seven of hearts to the king; Smokey took his ace and smiled at me as he led a diamond to give her a ruff and a sluff. This was the situation:

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When Smokey led a diamond Rita trumped with the deuce and overruffed in the dummy with the five. Now she led the king and queen of spades, dis-carding clubs, and when she led the four of spades Smokey was couped. Thus she made four hearts redoubled.

RITA GLANCED admiringly at Bruce, but he was eating his banana and payed no attention to us. However, as we were leaving, was almost sure I heard the chimp mutter, «Nobody is going to make a man out of me.»