Bridge & Humor: The Devil’s Bridge Dictionary

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Overtake: a clever manoeuvre by the player who is firmly in the driving seat : this involves winning his partner’s trick in order to…

By Ana Roth
On 6 February, 2015 At 16:21

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Source: Howard Bigot-Johnson’s Bizarre World of Bridge

Overtake: a clever manoeuvre by the player who is firmly in the driving seat : this involves winning his partner’s trick in order to be on lead

Partner : the player on which all blame for defeat can be placed at his/her door : an ideal candidate for being the scapegoat , whipping boy , punchbag and/or fall guy

Defensive error : the failure to duck when a flying bridgemate is heading one’s way at speed

Ideal Partner : a person who dislikes the same club members as you do

Table yawn : an honest opinion openly expressed

Sell out : a decision by players to allow the opponents to play in 3 of a minor when game is on their way

Tomorrow : the day an average bridge player expects his/her game to improve

Closed hand : a highly effective weapon attached to the end of an arm

Heart : an organ that often stops beating when partner allows a cold grand slam to go down by failing to remove the opponent’s last trump

Misfortune: the only kind of fortune bridge players talk about

Overbidding : a dangerous habit eagerly developed by both show-offs and hoggers, always insisting on winning competitive auctions with themselves as declarers

Post mortem discussion : after match conversations destined to point the finger of blame elsewhere

Friendliness : a concept or character trait alien to players sitting around a bridge table

Bridge magic : the amazing ability of bringing home a 7S contract when missing the ace of trumps

Know all : a player who has not read a single bridge book or played at the highest level , but who will nevertheless feel qualified to instruct and guide learners. In the event that the instruction or advice backfires , all blame will be attached to the learner’s incompetence.

Non-playing captain : someone full of tactical advice but quick to deny any responsibility for the team’s poor performance

Tactical bid : a polite name for a nasty , filthy psych

Optimist : a player who has yet to experience the harsh reality of competitive bridge

Advice : unsolicited words of wisdom offered by those who clearly need them the most

Sign off : a bid often used by those who have got tired of thinking

Expert : someone who tells you a simple thing in a highly complex way

Bad break : the injury caused to a player’s arm or leg bone by an irate partner wielding a hammer

Progressive squeeze : Once an inept partner has been grabbed by the throat , it is the process by which one strangles the life out of him

Small slam : what one should do to close a door in order to cause a substantial injury to partner, who is known to be following close behind

Grand slam : the maximum force used to close a door in partner’s face , as a way of showing just how pissed off you really are with his naff bids and inept play

Bad luck : the usual explanation given for going off in a cold contract ,or being well down the field

Good luck : a critical factor which is vehemently denied by unexpected winners, who have convinced themselves that success was born out of their superior ability and technique

Inflated ego : the stereotypical characteristic of most club players who annoyingly perceive themselves as accomplished players

 

 

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